roses

i know it's past visiting hours, but can i please give her these flowers?...see my family, we know where home is. so instead of sending flowers, we the roses...

the past couple days have forced me to think. my friend's aunt just got diagnosed with lung cancer, she's a heavy smoker. last night, she threatened to kill herself. and now, they're moving her in with her daughter - but of course she doesn't want to go. she doesn't want to lose her independence. very stubborn.

and during all of this, i feel for my friend. deeply. because it so closely resembles things i have gone through with my own family. grandma - died of lung cancer, she was a heavy smoker too. and my dad still smokes knowing cancer took his mom, grandma, and grandpa early in life. brother - last year, used to call me a lot, drunk. the conversations would always come to "i just want to be with Dorian (his brother who killed himself years back)" and me, 300 miles away, trying to convince him that suicide is not the solution to his problems. mom mom - now suffering from alzheimer's. before she went into the home, she couldn't take care of herself anymore. my pop pop couldn't afford an at-home nurse and had no choice but to move her to an assisted living place, but she put up the biggest fight for years. she wouldn't go to the hospital for treatment, didn't want to live in the home, didn't want anyone's help. very stubborn.

now i wonder, is it coincidence that our families have these similarities? or, do all families have cancer victims, suicide threats, stubborn people who refuse help, alcoholics, etc? the latter seems more realistic. more real. real life. 

it's crazy how connected we are all. we have similar experiences, stories, interests, families. it should be able to help somehow - but it usually doesn't, because when you're dealing with these issues it seems like nothing else bad is happening in the world but what is happening to your family. and, you're not worried about who else is going or has gone through the same thing. you're worried about your family, family member, yourself and the pressure headache you have from thinking, helping, crying, trying not to cry. 

and i need to help him, but i'm not exactly sure what to do. how to help. i can be there and listen, hug, hold, and console him. i'm not too great with the advice, but i'm doing what i can, where i can, and when it's necessary. i hope that's better than nothing.

...i smile, when roses come to see me. and i, didn't wait for the sunny day. didn't wait for the clouds to break...roses bring the sunshine...